Steer clear of these seven deadly sins, which can bring even the strongest relationships to a halt.
Maintaining
relationships
can be difficult business, and it only grows more complicated as the
time and emotion you invest into a partner increases. As expected, you
won't always get along. There will be plenty of arguments over finances,
the clashing personalities of friends and family as well as over little
things like how he always leaves the quart of milk in the fridge with
not even enough for a bowl of Special K. If your relationship is strong
enough, it will breeze right past the small stuff, but sometimes even
the strongest relationships will find themselves at a point of no
return.
What do you do when a particular situation leaves you sleeping next to
the enemy, or even worse, transforms the person you've grown to
love
and trust into a total stranger? What changes in a relationship to make
it not even worth salvaging? We all have a breaking point and while
some women can forgive something like infidelity time and time again,
there are many others who are willing to call it quits after the first
ignored text message. Which of the Seven Deadly Sins of
Dating do you think ends a relationship…permanently?
1. Infidelity
Whether it's infidelity of the emotional kind or a full-on sexual
involvement, infidelity is one of those things that can easily kill a
relationship. People cheat for a variety of reasons that don’t always
include being attracted or interested in someone else and sometimes,
depending on the circumstances, there are relationships that can
withstand the occasional wandering eye (or lower organs). Cheating is at
times a response to something that is lacking within the relationship,
more than it is about greed, convenience or indecision. But cheating is
often more work than it’s worth. If you are unhappy in the relationship
you're in, just leave. It's easier said than done most times, but it
really is just that simple.
Madame Noire: Celebrity Breakups We Saw Coming
Too often, there are women who stay in relationships where they are
repeatedly cheated on and try to convince themselves that all is
forgiven, but will use the incident as ammo every time a disagreement
occurs. If you say you're over it, be over it. If you can't get past it,
move on to the next.
2. Abuse
It's obvious that when a relationship includes physical violence or
deliberate emotional and mental belittlement, it's time to serve those
walking papers. Unfortunately, I've witnessed many situations where
partners are oblivious to the fact that they bring out the worst in each
other and too many times their interactions escalate until irreparable
damage occurs. Anyone who takes your temper to a point where it's
unrecognizable is probably not your match made in heaven and until you
can control your emotions in a healthy way, a relationship is probably
one of the last things that you need. When personalities conflict,
sometimes there's no one to blame. And any relationship that is harmful
isn't worth the tears spent on it.
Steer clear of these seven deadly sins, which can bring even the strongest relationships to a halt.
What people sometimes don't take into account is how dangerous it can
be to get involved with someone who is also abusive to themselves. When
someone is actively engaged in drug or alcohol abuse, it can be
difficult for their partner to see that they're not really in a
relationship at all. They're playing the side chick while the main girl
is the substance. Someone who doesn't
love themselves or has unhealthy personal issues is definitely not equipped to offer someone else what they need in a relationship.
Madame Noire: Bursting Your Bubble - Delusional Women
3. Dishonesty
While most of us would be packing after the truth is revealed about
something major (e.g.discovering he has a wife or girlfriend(s)), what
about all of the little white lies? Sometimes the small fibs can grow to
be more of a problem than the big lies. Exaggerating about a pay rate,
or not revealing that his best friend was once his bed buddy before you
came along when combined can lead to the realization that you don't
truly know the man you're falling for. You can't build a stable
foundation for anything long-term if it is embedded with little cracks
of dishonesty.
4. Disrespect
An ex once accused me of not taking his feelings into consideration.
He said I would often dismiss problems that bothered him if I didn’t
think they were relevant. Once I laid my ego to rest, I discovered he
was right. Disrespect can take an obvious form such as a man calling
you out of your name or blatantly flirting with other women in your
presence, but sometimes a failure to take your partner’s concerns
seriously even if you think they are foolish, is just as disrespectful.
Just because you may not understand where your partner is coming from,
doesn’t mean their opinions shouldn’t be validated.
The thing about disrespect is that often more than not, once someone
sees that you’re willing to accept being treated any type of way, the
disrespect often gets worse. You can make clear what’s acceptable
behavior in your relationship from the opening gate without scaring a
man away.
5. Lack of support
One of the biggest reasons that people enter relationships is for
companionship and support. So what’s the point of being in one where
your partner is condescending, critical and doesn’t defend you or your
actions? Shoot, there are frenemies who’ll at least tell you WHY you
may want to re-consider questionable actions instead of just putting you
down. I once dated a guy who could never celebrate my accomplishments
without A) trying to convince me that opportunities weren’t results of
my work or talent, but merely good luck or B), ride my coat tails. He
could never celebrate in my success without finding a way to shine some
light on the moves he was making. It’s enough you have to break other
people’s backs in order to avoid getting thrown under the bus in this
world, but the home is no place for competition. Being alone and loving
yourself beats being with someone who makes it a point to try and top
you everyday.
6. Failure to communicate or listen
Have you ever questioned how great of a listener you are? Do you
appropriately communicate your needs and concerns in a relationship?
Relationships can deteriorate fast without effective communication. Too
many times partners assume that they don’t have to say exactly how they
feel because their mate should “just know.” I’m sure you’ve witnessed
at least one couple in your life who doesn’t know how to have a mature
conversation. Everything is either aggression and yelling or
passive-aggression. Some couples even manage to stay in relationships
in which they don’t communicate at all. Miss Lauryn Hill said it best,
“Miscommunication leads to complication.” Want to destroy your
relationship single-handedly? Fail to take their opinions and thoughts
into consideration and watch that thing start to sink quicker than the
Titanic.
7. Lack of dependability or confidentiality
Don’t mistake dependable with predictable. The older I become the
more I believe that the best relationships are somewhat routine and
steady. Many people get entertained by the extremes of being at one
another’s throats all the time followed by being in one’s another’s
pants, but what happens when it is time to concentrate on the boring
real life stuff like paying bills and making sure the kids have
dinner?
When you’re building a life with someone it’s important for partners to
be assured that one another is doing their fair share of the
maintenance without the other having to constantly remind them or clean
up after them. Your partner should be just that, a partner, not a
replacement for your mother or father.
It’s also difficult to discover that you and your partner aren’t the only ones in your
relationship.
Venting to family and friends about annoyances is understandable, but
no one other than you and your partner should have the play-by-play of
what’s going down in your bedroom. Allowing others to repeatedly have a
say in what you should do or be doing in your relationship, is like
letting them drive your Benz with no
mirrors: They’re only getting one view of the story and steering a relationship that doesn’t belong to them.
What is something you absolutely cannot move past in a relationship?